i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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