just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
