I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
