Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
As shirtless as possible
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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