I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
