I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
