do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
