i think my tv is drunk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
NoShamevember. You game?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
