you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
