We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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