my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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