I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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