dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
