if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
