How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
