Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
