I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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