Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
