It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
