Your dad touched me again.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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