i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
