Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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