Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
