the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
