His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i wish my penis had a tongue
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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