We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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