Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
