Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
