did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
