how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
