can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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