I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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