soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
