Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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