i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
