you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
