I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
