he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Randomize
