I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
