i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wish my penis had a tongue
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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