you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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