it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize