Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize