hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
