i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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