we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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