at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize