You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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