gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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