btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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