I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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