My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well I just put wine in my tea
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
