im holly from the hills drunk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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