I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
FUCK WHALES
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
