we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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