Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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