Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
