yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
