One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize