YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
