Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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