I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
