Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
