You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
