Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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