I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
