So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
