Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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