if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
