Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I forget how to act sober
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